Beer Tabs & Pennies (rough draft)

We were in another city, wasted
the night the town drunk
fell to the floor of the bar and died.
His funeral was paid for by raffles
held at the local taverns.
Then there was “the viewing.”
The last time I saw him
he didn’t recognize me,
his blue eyes swimming, gone somewhere
but who was I then but a cage, small girl,
amphetamines and vodka and searching.
We had to go through his rotten house–
his friend gave us the address–
everywhere, beer tabs and pennies
“take what you want”
fuck this
until we opened his closet
no, fuck this
you never forget the smell of your father.
We looked at each other for the first time,
wondering if it were real
–that he pushed us higher and higher
on our swing into the wild apple blossoms
that fell like snow
–that he had a shy, quiet voice that called
our names, that hushed
–that we, afterall, weren’t orphans