(I elaborate on this idea in the post “5th Ave East” –the sister one)
MEMOIR NOTES
-parts of you become numb along the way and they fall asleep in their idea that this kind of living is okay, and you neglect parts of yourself that need you, because you don’t know how to help it—it’s not that you don’t really know any better (though that’s largely the case) but that that particular sight or emotion got tired and gave up,
*Here are clips from the 5th ave post that stick out for me, and the point i was trying to make while writing it is now insignificant to me, or rather, it’s not the heart of it. This shit is:
-Womanhood simply did not exist in our household. Well, it existed—it was bursting out the eaves—but it was not discussed. Periods were a thing of disgust and emotions were things for children that we had to learn to put away. We weren’t punished for these things, it was worse—we were ridiculed and teased and took turns being the butt of Scott’s bantering. Even thinking of yourself as a woman was humiliating
-Letting go of childhood—meant letting go of those you loved and if they were hurting you’d better leave them alone to do it.
-Life was becoming, so I was learning, about making it through and praying there was enough of me left to bloom and blossom after I escaped to live a somewhat normal life–while half of me fought believing that this was it–and the great fear with that is that parts of you become numb along the way and they fall asleep in their idea that this kind of living is okay, and you neglect parts of yourself that need you, because you don’t know how to help it—its not that you don’t really know any better (though that’s largely the case) but that that particular limb or body part or emotion got tired and gave up,
–The second change that occurred between us three is the sad fact that parts of ourselves did shut down, and maybe we were too embarrassed to go to each other, or maybe we were just hurting so damn bad from disappointment and confusion and we saw it reflected in each other, so we just…went with it–believing with dulling hearts that that was just the way it was…..
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Difficult Degrees 