I found my flashdrive from college back in 08′ and I found this piece. I wrote it when all my essays and poems and stories began spilling out in college like a damn fever and this, oddly, is before the PTSD hit full-force. And it describes my current nightmares. Weird, eh?
The Nothing Caper
It came in the night. We were all sleeping in the creaky house and I woke to it lifting my sheets; it made my nightgown bleed. My doll saw it all so I ripped out her eyes the next morning before breakfast. Then it started coming in my dreams, and I thought a monster was asleep beneath my bed, gathering my things. On the scratchy carpet where the sun comes in, it branded my skin with its tongue, so I gave it my voice. Mother and father swallowed it up.
They found me in corners and closets and they didn’t hear their words running from my mouth. I didn’t know so I swallowed the words whole; they fed me spoonfuls of aches that echoed deep into my belly, burning my insides until it dulled.
I began to sweat them out my pores like a broken fever. I washed and raked my skin when I saw them in the mirror. They curdled and clotted the mainstreams of my heart as I took their pieces and ate them. I choked and spewed out a doll that didn’t have eyes. Her messy dress had burned away so they stitched her a new one and kept it inside, and I ran away, hungry.
7 thoughts on “An Old Essay”
Such deep and painful memories in these lines.
Wow Amy, although the tale denotes pain, your use of describing words and the style was so well used for way back then! I love your deep writing girl! 🙂
Thanks my dear 🙂
a story whose language makes you forget the inflictions, or else replace them with an admiration which has you aching.
Thank you so much, Joan!
Thank YOu Joan