My Dear

 

DEAR

All This quiet time by myself
looking in the mirror, at my triumphs,
failures and mistakes
and I feel a sad song in my veins
when I think of you and me, my dear

I think you’ve gotten tired like me
Maybe we have no way
of getting out of this for awhile
I try not to call
but I’m not that good at being alone.
So maybe I’m sorry, my dear
Maybe I gotta do some things on my own–
as I’ve always tried to do.

I’m slow building up a new foundation
but the layers take me time
but I’m used to getting dirty

When I lost it in November
you were the only one
who could just barely reach my loneliness–
but you did, dear…

and when I hate me–
you’ve always seen some part
of me I can’t–some piece
of me you somehow see–and I trust you.

I think your heart is too big
for someone like me, dear
I think I hurt you
in a bad way–in a way from love
I didn’t know I was twisting up your insides
bad enough you had to
stop and pull back

And maybe I’m sorry
even for things outta my hands
because it’s me anyhow, behind the wheel.
And I don’t wanna drag anyone down
into this with me anymore
for some damn reason you were crazy enough
to volunteer in the dark at my side
and I am
forever
indebted
to you.

I miss you.  I miss us.  I miss me.
I promise I’ll get better, my dear.
You believed in me–before I ever could–
what else could have possibly
kept me here?

Since I was little you were
what love was, like a mama, and shelter
and you always let me go my way
as maybe is the way of sisters

I wonder if you–did you think
you’d always have to break your back under me?
I got mad at you for being tired.
I’m sorry, my dear
I expect so much out of you
I see how you kinda had to let me go a little
step back, away
and that’s okay
I’m kinda keen on fighting alone–
you know I prefer to have pride that way

But maybe–you never let me be alone
and so I’ll trust you while you are.
Maybe, for the first time–
Ill do something for you
And let you rest.