Some Love Poems

DECEPTION

You bought my illusion at first, didn’t you

as if Lady Day had kissed my skin and I sang–

how I sang to you–my idea

of love a passing summer’s day.

You wouldn’t go away–so serious

of the illusion you bought

or so I thought–No, I’d tell you

when you slept

No, I’m too much for you

and time slips

and it turns to

No, I’m not enough for you

while I thought you were dreaming;

but you knew, didn’t you? the inner

cycles in my matter,

you knew before I did

that I loved you

only you were too shy to say so, too shy

to look me in the eye.

Around you I was learning gravity;

the bills were paid

the house was bought

a daughter was born

even a diamond made me cry.

You settled in so heavy maybe

and I began to not be so well, you know,

maybe because I felt safe at last

that I could crack inside.

How was I this woman, this lover, this mother

when I never had a sole reflection in the mirror

beside the bed, and the one

in the armoir

and the one down the hall…

all these expectancies.

You, so static, only emphasized my chaos

you grew to despise

because it took me from you,

which I learned too late.

When we fall apart,

when we crack under the weight

of things so close they’re almost tangible,

when we finally feel deserving

and then it’s too late

we are left bewildered

that that one person you tried to deceive

offered shelter shelter

and could paint your face.

 

 

DIVORCE

I used to hang my words

each time I parted my lips

up to dry;

what could they press–my lips–

but the hard fact of you

who reminded me I was an

abstraction across

your stage of equations.

I was thirsty, so much so that

I parted my lips, looking for you

to mouth your noose.

SEPARATE ROOMS

I hate how you’re always

in my way

bent over in the hallway

as I carry all the laundry

I hate how you’re always

in my way

legs splayed across the bed

sound asleep as I twist

I hate how you’re always

in my way

like when I dance

you get too close

I hate how you’re always

in my way

leaning for a kiss

when I’m trying to write

I hate how you’re always

right

I hate that you’re gone

I hate that I never leaned in,

I hate how I never make room