Orbiting

I would have preferred a monk
and maybe a lifetime of discipline
over the pace I chose to find some way,
collecting my hospital bracelets
from the bin as if they were
peace treaties to some god.
They say the ego is the last to go;
even the broken ones
seem to think they have something worth
holding onto.
But once mine did I spent a year in a cave,
afraid and starved, trying to fight for that
last little part of me that liked to slip away
and send me off into the air.
The revolutions of seasons finally ended
and I found myself in some kind of light–
someone must’ve mentioned something
about grace, something about balance: no mind.
I wanted No Mind, that traitor.
And because there was nothing left for me to do
I let go
and it became clear to me that gravity
could be seducing in its standards
and that maybe to fall away
from all that I knew
was really a falling forward–orbiting
past the dropped walls of the eartrh–
looking back to see myself–everyone–as mere
carnations
nothing wild but with complexities harnassed–
tamed; we had grown in our own beds in files
and as I drifted further into the void
I lost fear; I wasn’t afraid
to not be such a soft, pink thing
but an exasperation of molecules, a release
from the machinery of my chemistry
that I had made over this
peculiar life; and maybe
once I pass
the fear of losing who I am
or what I was
I can ground myself in a  plasma
of the stillness invading my mind
and I’ll finally go home
limitless, adrift, passionless,
pain as vague as air.

6 thoughts on “Orbiting

  1. dang…vicious write…love the hospital bracelets in the opening…very effective…left feeling a bit numb there at the end…

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  2. This is friggin’ AWESOME!!!
    Being able to “let go” is quite a gift really… and learning to do that, an art!
    I hope that some I too can drift, and be able to stay afloat… looking at everything around and at myself with with same fair gaze… not judging.. just fair..

    What a BEAUTIFUL and spiritually inspiring write, Amy !!! Bravo!

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  3. wow amy this is just amazing writing…my fav lines were…but an exasperation of molecules, a release
    from the machinery of my chemistry…excellent imagery throughout the whole piece

    Like

  4. Amy, you are awesome. I spend atleast an hour daily on your blog , reading your poems. just wonderful.
    stay blessed and keep the inspiration coming !

    Like

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